Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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