If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
