her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
