Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
