Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
