Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
