please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
