I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
