on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
