i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
