The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
