so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
