So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
