Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
