Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
