I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize