How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
