Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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