We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
