When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize