I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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