I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
