I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
