I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
