I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
