come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
