quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
