she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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