Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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