I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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