I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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