Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize