I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize