This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
