u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
