On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
did i just pee glitter
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
