I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
