i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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