im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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