from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize