they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
