you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
