you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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