i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
