last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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