and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
