They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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