Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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