i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
