So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
