I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
