Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
