You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
