Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
