It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
