i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
