I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
