I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
