my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
