i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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