Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've blown a few things in my day
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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