put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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