Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
