well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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