Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How external is "for external use only"?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
