Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
