never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
