We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
