we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
