We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
