My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
