I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
