I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
