Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
