After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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