me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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