I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize