i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
