We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
