Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
