Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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