So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
