She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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