My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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